
I once had to take 500g out of my suitcase and put it into my carry-on.


Putin visits a fortune teller and asks her what will happen in the near future.
She says: I see you driving in a limousine through the busy crowd, the people are happy, laughing and cheering and jumping for joy, hugging each other and have big smiles on their faces.
Putin asks her: ... do I wave to them?
No she says, ... the coffin is closed.