Who writes this crap

I gather the person who writes this sh!t below probably has never seen a sailboard let alone stepped on one. Who would be gullible enough to swallow this marketing hyperbole.

Handle with care. When you want to let the animal out of the cage and run fast, The (blank brand out) is for you. The house-trained version of the lethal (blank brand out)sail, the Slalom is unleashed with less battens and cams and a smaller luff pocket for easier rigging and control. Be warned though, the animal instinct runs strong in this one. Its soft, light feel conceals a furious and hungry heart, and in the right hands the (blank brand out)is capable of carnage on water with reflex acceleration and bloodcurdling straight-line pace. It’s the most lethal freerace sail we make, good for upwind, downwind, or anywhere fast - it doesn’t matter, It’s all one big happy hunting ground.

or try this one for a bullsh!t factor of 11 (out of 10)

More speed and power than a (blank brand out). (blank brand out) is the elemental symbol for Hydrogen - used properly, it’s one of the most powerful things on earth. Today, (blank brand out), used properly - is one of the most powerful things on water. A “giant leap for mankind” sized improvement over our legendary (blank brand out) series, the new (blank brand out) propels you with a whole new level of efficiency and performance through a highly refined twin cam power plant. The result: beautifully balanced constant sail drive and predictable handling for even greater wind range. The (blank brand out) is our fastest freeride sail ever thanks to it’s chemical make-up with behaviour directly descended from the (blank brand out)gene pool, meaning on the water, the (blank brand out) will leave everyone else wondering what on earth just went passed them. (Amazing what we can do in the lab).

If anyone can find anything worse than this dribble I'll be surprised (apart from a fairly popular *board manufacturer)

jeez sausage i think you should name and shame cause i had a search and can't find who has that stuff.

Its a shame they let their spin doctor loose. Bet its a damn good sail.
Why dont they just say "Hey dumb boy have we got a sail for you"
Dont hassle the dealer email the Head office and give them a serve if it offends you.

you mean to say u didn't rush out and buy one after reading that? what's wrong with you?

I think they must have employed an art critic as their copy writer

Sounds like they tried to combat the GFC by lowering marketing costs. This is a perfect example of when you mix cocaine + outsourcing.

I'll fill in the blanks for your Sausage

Handle with care. When you want to let the animal out of the cage and run fast, The (kiter) is for you. The un-house-trained version of the lethal (kiter), the kite is unleashed. Be warned though, the animal instinct runs strong in this one. Its soft, light feel conceals a furious and hungry heart, and in the right hands the (kiter) is capable of carnage on water with reflex acceleration and bloodcurdling straight-line pace, whilst dropping in on people. It’s the most lethal stupid watersport we make, good for upwind, downwind, or anywhere fast - it doesn’t matter who is in the way, It’s all one big happy hunting ground cutting off anyone you like

Windsurfing is the brother to poetry, didnt you know that?

Question:


I just read the product description of some sails. Guys, are you out of your mind. What a nonsense:
"H2 is the elemental symbol for Hydrogen - used properly, it’s one of the most powerful things on earth. Today, H2 by NeilPryde, used properly - is one of the most powerful things on water. (...) The H2 is our fastest freeride sail ever thanks to it’s chemical make-up with behaviour directly descended from the RS:Racing EVOII gene pool, meaning on the water, the H2 will leave everyone else wondering what on earth just went passed them. (Amazing what we can do in the lab)."
Who believes that?!

Reply by NP
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Solution:

Hi,

It is not about believing or not believing, nonsense or true. It is about hyping up a product using imagination and fantasy to get the consumer excited about the product. We can give you the same old boring story we used to give, and that all the other brands are still giving for the description of the sail but we didn't, we choose to make it a little more entertaining then that. Use your imagination when reading it and most important read between the lines.

Regards ----- ----
NPDC

" H2 is the elemental symbol for Hydrogen "

Well it can't be a chemist, the periodic table of the elements uses H as the symbol for hydrogen. H2 is a molecule.

The reality about this sail would be NP has introduced it as some kind of revitalization of their brand with a lot of hype kicking off the new decade. However, it's really just a make-over of the V8. They put a little lipstick on the pig and sent her back into the red-light window. They will try and sell it for an exorbitant price, then discount it if it isn't moving. You guys got hit with it first, for sure. I just bought a closeout '08 V-8 which was still pretty expensive. I have been using an '06 V8 and knew that the important development in their big sails was the ultracam which came in with the '08. The reviews I found here on Seabreeze www.seabreeze.com.au/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=59027&SearchTerms=NP,H2 raved about the rotation and other factors also found in the late model V-8's. All the other serious improvements that are featured in the H2, the Profile Relative Luff Sleeve Width and the 6 battens rather than 7 were put into the '08. From now on my windsurfing writing will be posted on Facebook under the name Robert Swift. Friends are welcome, Foes will be removed.

WHO WRITES this crap..
Probably me when ive had a few brew skies.