List of materials or other stuff that should should appear on your boat

It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a man (or woman) in possession of a moderate boat, must be in want of an empty list of things to fix.

Having witnessed the irreducible nature of that list, I have begun to compile a separate list of materials or stuff that should never appear on your boat. This is the stuff that you buy at the Big Green Hardware Store, thinking that it would make a good, cheap fix, but actually creates more problems than it solves.

My black-list starts as follows ....

1 Silicon bathroom sealant. Yes, it fills holes and comes in a handy tube. But, it sets too quickly to be much use, is too weak to hold anything, and obstinately refuses the application of any sort of over-paint, coating and varnish. Once in place, its chemically inert nature and rubbery constituency will resist all attempts to remove it by solvents, scrapers, Stanley knives, electric shocks and flame-throwers (I admit to not having tried the last two, but I have been sorely tempted). I've heard it described as the snot of the devil, and I whole-heartedly agree. Never let this stuff anywhere near your boat, no matter how convenient it might seem.

2 MDF (medium density fibreboard). Yes, it is cheap and looks good in the shop. But, boats are wet things, and the moisture will quickly turn your nice, flat shiny board into a warped pile of fluff resembling a furry lump of brown toilet tissue with the about same structural strength. You might be tempted to paint it to keep the moisture out, but you might as well work with Weetbix.

3 Chrome-plated copper or brass hardware, such as hinges, latches, bolts. The tiniest application of the sea to these items will turn them into minute batteries, with one constituent metal eating away at the other until you are left with an amorphous pile of greenish-yellow powder where your shiny fitting once was. It might not be so bad if the midget screws normally supplied with these products were not usually embedded in otherwise sound timber. Or, if the same midget screws had enough strength in their heads to permit extraction by the reasonable application of a screwdriver. But no, their design guarantees that your timberwork will be studded with the decapitated corpses of the midget fixing screws, long after you have scraped off their associated fixings with their halos of powdered corrosion product.

4 Expanded polystyrene, whenever you need to cut or shape it. This stuff actually has its uses, as long as you never try to do anything with it in-situ. If you do, future owners will be finding expanded polystyrene crumbs in unexpected places for generations to come. When fresh, the crumbs will stick to everything except, it seems, the inside of a vacuum-cleaner.

Feel free to add your own.

I totally agree with the MDF and can't believe that any one would bring it aboard, let alone use it.

That's easy , but maybe a bit dated.
Not wanted; any young bloke, woman or couple who want to be a crew and had the Yellow Book in their backpack


Gary