One my old boss told me thats so true.
"Everything is hard till you know how to do it,then its easy"
This is said when trying to make something look better than it is.
"you cant polish a turd"
"you cant fix stupid"
I didnt realise my brain was so full of these stupid sayings.
" Hes as dumb as dog sh#t"
"if something aint broke,dont fix it"
"my girlfriend cant fight,but you should see her box"
If it floats, fu#ks or flys, rent it....
Who is more foolish, the fool, or the fool that follows it....
To own anything that floats, has 4 legs or breasts or is to live in poverty....
Or my most popular winter Sydney saying. "Where is the fu#king wind"
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BTW if you are on Steeves email list you would have seen the below:
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14 . The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
when the facts change...so does my mind.
remember the golden rule......those that have the gold,make the rules.
When i'm pissed off...
"... as dark as kamahl".
When i'm really pissed off...
"... as dark as kamahl's arsehole".
My personal favourite would be, at the first sip of my first beer, "... This is the best beer i've had all day."
A few for the office workers out there
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by killing all those who opposed them.
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
Plagiarism saves time.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
We waste time, so you don't have to.
Hang in there--retirement is only thirty years away!
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
Succeed in spite of management.
Aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment.
Cheers
... Better to be thought as a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt..!
Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid for breakfast?
"In your Resume, a hard-on does not count as personal growth"
"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable......like a coma!"
"I don't know what your problem is.......but I bet it's hard to pronounce"
"Would you like some cheese to go with that WHINE "
I see you are playing Stupid again,.......looks like your'e winning too !!
" I'm busy now, can I ignore you someother time?"
Regards
The Fossil
"you're about as smooth as hessian underpants"
"is your eye lazy? Or does it just hate to work?"
One liner overload
I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of **
I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don’t give a f**k
How about “never”, is “never” good enough for you?
It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying
I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself
Ahhh, I see the f**kup fairy has visited us again
You are violating my inherent mistrust of strangers
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist
Some day, we’ll look back at this, laugh nervously and change the subject
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
I like you, you remind of when I was young and stupid
What am I, flypaper for freaks?
I’m not being rude, you’re just insignificant
Thank you, we’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
It’s thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off
Yes, I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial
No, my powers can only be used for good
You sound reasonable ….. time to up my medication
I’ll try to be nicer if you’ll try being smarter
I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
I don’t work here, I’m a consultant
Who me? I just wander from room to room
My toy’s! My toy’s! I can’t do this job without my toy’s!
Well, aren’t we just a ray of f**king sunshine
Do I look like a f**king people person?
This isn’t an office, it’s hell with fluorescent lighting
I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me
You! Off my planet!
I like cat’s too, lets exchange recipes
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I’m not tense, just terribly alert
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you
Do you realize that you are depriving some village of it’s idiot?
, NICE WORK MATE!
