Bit of a heavy topic and there are probably better forums out there to ask, but am hoping there are some seabreezers out there who have been through the same thing and can give me some advice.
After 24 years together the wife and I have decided that it's time to call it quits. It's an amicable split, long overdue, and no nastiness involved. We both want to work things out so that in a way that is best for our two teenage daughters, and us.
Have done a bit of online research and there seems to be a fair bit of info out there but not sure where to start. Everything seems to point to a lawyer? Guess it is inevitable eventually but we reckon we can work this through with some guidance, and then will just need all the final agreements drawn up.
I am in WA and really need to get started on this to get us both into a fresh start.
Can anyone suggest a mediator, advisory group or community help group that could guide us through the preliminaries?
Simon.
If you get a lawyer involved, most likely it will cease to be amicable and cost a lot of money.
Your daughters being teenage will most likely not be hanging around either of you for too much longer so it looks like the asset will be the main issue.
I am sure you could get advice and mediation through government agencies such as Family Services and Family Law Court.
familysupportwa.org.au/
DIY divorce is fairly common these days. You can get a Divorce Kit like you can get a Will Kit.
www.familycourt.gov.au/wps/wcm/connect/fcoaweb/forms-and-fees/court-forms/form-topics
Thanks Cisco, couple of things to look through which is a good start.
Really want to make sure her and the girls are financially ok so the less spent on lawyers, the better.
Talk to legal aid they are a government body & can put you in touch with everyone to do it yourself . But go see them wont cost you anything & they can give you some good advice for free & if you do need a lawyer you might find that they can represent you for free . Depending on your circumstances. But whatever you do don't think it will be amicable its a fight to the death . That's the first thing to understand . Make sure its really worth it .If she lawyer's up get a better one .
If its a joint property or yours don't leave or they will claim you abandoned them cost you more . That's been my advice though I'm trying to make it work .
I did ask a similar question on here & I got some pretty nasty & disgusting comments but we all hope they have been banned & have not rejoined under another name .
And hopefully by mentioning that you will not cop the same abuse .
Good luck
Select to expand quoteIt can be done without any lawyers involved if you can both come to an agreement on everything. My ex wife and I were able to achieve this and I actually believe I came out in front contrary to a few of my mates who got "lawyered" massively because their ex wives wanted to take them to the cleaners. My advice, get her to agree to something and get it done ASAP before she changes her mind. Luckily we were able to split everything 50/50 with her trusting me to value all our assets fairly. PM me for some finer details if you want but the key is to bite your tongue and not piss her off until it's all signed, then you can go to town if you want 
. It's a big advantage that your kids are older, should make it a lot easier if you were both working and contributing equally to your mortgage etc because you can focus purely on the financial side of things and not get hung up in the whole maintenance thing.
<div>Sucks at first but once you get over it the are lots of chicks out there in the same boat that are all too ready help to ease your pain 
Good luck
Thanks Waynos.
Good to hear a positive story. We are both absolutely committed to it not getting messy.
I've a good mate who's speciality is with separations, he told me that he and the other partners lawyers always have financial details , when that's bled dry by both they look to settle, I've not been down that path but seriously get together and save both of yourselves a packet and sort it yourself,
Definately keep the lawyers out if possible, it can easily cost you $20k each without even going to court. And most likely you will end up with the same result (2 years down the track) you both thought was fair in the first place, lawyers will talk you/your wife out of this if they are given the chance.
The next biggest enemy is your wifes friends, there are many bitter women out there that will tell her how much better she can do.
As said above, Get it sorted ASAP LIKE THIS WEEK, and I really mean it is that important.
You need to initiate and complete Form 1 (initiating application for divorce) have it served to ex by a process server as per correct procedure, she completes the same and that's it.
Usual practice is 60/40 split in wife's favour. Say goodbye to your superannuation as she is entitled to 50% of that also.
If it's amicable then the form 1 (initiating application) is signed off by both parties and then made official by court. A hearing date will be set, but if you agree with the form 1 then you don't need to attend court as it will be judged accordingly. Also you will both need to complete a form 13 for financial matters.
Family court brochures will help you. Look for brochures 3,4,5 see below link which will assist.
www.familycourt.wa.gov.au/B/brochures.aspx
Hope it works out for you.
A friend of mine recently got divorced. The lawyer fees were $140K on both sides (ie. $280K total 
) due to the haggling over every possession, etc. I can only imagine how much the lawyers were encouraging all the bickering. What a fricken waste of money, they threw away about half the value of their house!
Definitely go down the self help route if you're willing to do a little research. Seems it is just in the blood of lawyers to argue, and they won't be able to help themselves from suggesting to each of you that you deserve a little more for one reason or another. A 50/50 (or 60/40) split with no lawyers is bound to be better for both of you than anything else that would result with lawyers involved.
If you do decide to use a lawyer, I'd say work out all your details first, and then go to a lawyer together (maybe one that DOESN'T specialise in divorce) and firmly say "this is exactly what we want, just give us the papers".
Select to expand quotecauncy said..
I've a good mate who's speciality is with separations, he told me that he and the other partners lawyers always have financial details , when that's bled dry by both they look to settle, I've not been down that path but seriously get together and save both of yourselves a packet and sort it yourself,
Damn, that's just plain evil. 
Thanks for all the advice. Those lawyer fees are just ludicrous. Faaaark, 280k would pretty much buy me a house where we live. Am pretty confident we won't be going down that path, but agree we need to get things written down and signed pretty soon. Gonna get to work his week on valuations.
It's a really strange situation and cannot believe how calm we have both been about it. Talked more in the last week than we have in the last 6 months.
I agree with Harrow
If you can act quickly whilst there is a sense of calmness and 'relaxed' feelings about the move it's best get down on paper how you both want to spilt assets, what the arrangements are for the kids living situation and how incomes are to be used to support them as they grow up.
Then approach a lawyer and be FIRM that you want a legal document drawn up but make sure you meet with the lawyer together so that there is no moves to break up your agreement
Both of you need to be aware that friends will try to add their ideas and it's not likely that they will agree with your 50/50 split or what ever you have decided upon. Many will try to attach blame for the break down and add punishment by the way of a great share of the assets for who they see as the aggrieved party
Its a hard time in everyone's life
Good luck
Select to expand quotedjt91184 said..
she gets half your super as well? that makes me sick no marriage for me ever.
Ha, its not Ireland man.....
I think you mean, no union for you......
Good luck mate!, been there recently and it can get quite stressful towards the end. Take advantage of the mediation centres, a lot cheaper then lawyers. But I will still advise you to see few lawyers and make good use of the first free consultation and go there prepared with your questions but be weary and do not believe all that the lawyers say. It is their job to be confident and win your business, at the end they charge big fees and they will never guarantee any results in return. Avoid going to court but you will both need your own lawyers to explain you the final consent orders papers (for property settlement) which will be stamped by the court and once court stamps it that will be final. Be generous if you want to but if there are any thing you would like to keep make sure they are in the documents (no verbal agreements), like others have already mentioned if your wife get influenced easily from what she hears then you might have a problem. I made the mistake of taking my time during the process, not because I wanted to but because I had so much on my mind, stressed with business, bills and other personal matters, so the quicker you do it better it is.
My brother spent $90 000 .00 .
last year.
He reckons that was mates rates for him also .
He said it would have cost him double.
Bit of fall out everything was amicable to start but didn't end like that that's for sure . One kid chose to live with him other shared custody but she still got 70% of house he built & his business . .
Mum still does her grocery shopping with ex daughter in law & art classes with her mother & he's going off about that. But as mum say after 30 years she's not getting divorced from her friends. So my advice would be also be cool with anybody who remains your wife's friend. You cant just expect everyone to turn there back for your benefit. .
When i got divorsed we used our accountant saved alot of time worked well as far divorce goes good luck
My brother and his wife both decided they were heading in different directions after 25 years. The Kids had gone, they valued their assets and came to an amicable arrangement. No lawyers except for the final agreements
They both found new partners fairly quickly and they are still good friends.
If you both believe this is the right thing to do, talk to each other ,reassure each other, be honest and up front, and hopefully it will work out without too much pain.
Good luck.
**** mate, good luck on this one. Sounds like you and your wife are in a good space to talk it out.
Don't feed the trolls (lawyers)!
More good advice, thanks guys. Had a good mediator recommended today from a mate. He has been through a similar thing in similar circumstances recently and they worked through it smoothly and fairly.
Looks all positive so far.
If things get nasty I will pm for some advice. Probably time to get this topic off the front page
Do the guys who spend circa 100g on legals get quoted before the sign up with the lawyer?
I recently used an accountant rather than a lawyer for a business partnership dissolution.
The deal was the parter kept all profits $200 000 pay the tax on the $200 000, keep all equipment, intellectual property etc and leave me the hell alone.
Well he never got around to paying my my tax but kept the profits. Now left with a $30 000 tax bill two years later thanks. He bought a nice little wester suburbs home for himself.
Seems to be some good advice above, just don't celebrate with a BBQ like this guy... 
au.news.yahoo.com/hot-headed-ex-hubbys-appeal-rejected-28279079.html
